Do you Feel Heard?
5 minute read
Being Heard is a favorite topic of mine! To further clarify, I remember repeating things numerous times and not understanding why I was not being heard! My conclusion is that I discovered:
people listen through their filter and their base of knowledge and information.
So let’s take a look at people’s needs in communication.
Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, author, peacemaker and founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Dr. Rosenberg described some universal needs that people have.
1. Physical Well-being Needs—air, food, water, shelter, rest, movement, touch, sexual expression.
2. Autonomy Needs—choice of dreams/goals/values, choice of plans for fulfilling them.
3. Integrity Needs—authenticity, meaning, purpose, self-worth, ways to contribute to life.
4. Celebration Needs—honoring small successes and big successes, mourning losses of loved ones and dreams.
5. Interdependence/Connection Needs—acceptance, appreciation, consideration, community, emotional safety, honesty, love, respect, reassurance, support, trust, understanding.
6. Recreation/Play Needs—creativity, fun, laughter, relaxing activities.
7. Spiritual Needs—beauty, harmony, inspiration, order, peace.
Everyone has needs they are meeting for themselves, and in connection with others. Therefore, being heard involves a greater awareness of your needs and their needs, people you are communicating with.
With healthy relationships, all opinions are respected whether or not they are agreed upon. All conversations do not have respect from one or both parties.
People who are insecure say things to cover that. For example they make up an answer to a question they really don’t know.
It is much more pleasant for me to have someone admit they do not know something versus try to make up answers. There is truth in what Aristotle said long ago.
The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.
Are you Aware of your patterns of Communication? Do you Feel Heard?
I invite you to take a look at your Beliefs about being heard in the 5 R’s (Reflection, Research, Recycle, Rewrite and Rehearsal)
1. Reflection—Is their one relationship that you do not feel heard or that you want to understand a little more about your communication?
2. Research— What is your history with this person and your understanding of how you both communicate? Each relationship can be very different. For example, my Research regarding a personal relationship uncovered their familiarity with me which included their tendency to want to hold me in the past and my tendency to follow that train with them. No more because I’m staying clear in my Beliefs. My Research regarding a service provider was very different; I uncovered more understanding about them and their needs that they were simply applying to me.
3. Recycle—Is there some habit in your communication that you want to become more aware of and let that go. Each relationship is very different.
For example, I now notice when someone from my past triggers old patterns in me; I now see them; and therefore, do not follow them. I stay connected to myself and listening to them.
In the service provider relationship, I learned to be more focused in information that I wanted to get and work with their skills.
4. Rewrite—What are key points for you to remember in communication with this person. For example, in my new Beliefs regarding being heard and communication, I have included time for myself to process information and be clear before I make promises.
5. Rehearse—There are many opportunities where we feel heard or not. Is there one relationship where you don’t feel heard that you would like to pick?
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You will join the community of your authentic self, showing up, and Feeling Heard. The 5 R’s Practice is outlined for you.
What is your:
5. And where do you Rehearse.
Thank you so much for sharing. Your Perspective Matters! BAM–Beliefs are Magical!